i know that ronan did an awful cover of this but i love this song which i first heard sung by leanne womack, it really helped me

lyrics of I HOPE YOU DANCE by LEE ANN WOMACK

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one singe breathe for granted
And God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith the fighting chance
And if you get the chance to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
And never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some helping heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a pasing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
promise me that you'll give faith the fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance, I hope you dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

Something has left my life
And I don’t know where it went to
Somebody caused me strife
And it’s not what I was seeking.

Didn’t you see me, didn’t you hear me
Didn’t you see me standing there

Why did you turn out the lights
Did you know that I was sleeping

Say a prayer for me
Help to feel the strength I did
My identity has been taken
Is my heart breaking on me

All my plans fell though my hands
They fell
Though my hands on me
In my obvious it suddenly seems
Empty

music:crusify, toriamos/ straight to video, mindlessselfindulgence
mood:secure with a side of guilt

at the moment i am in a pretty good mood. not extatic but quietly confident. its a confident i have never felt before. all my life i have been insecure really. not about looks in particular but in general.

when i was little i felt loved all the time but we had quite a turbulent home life but i felt loved anyway. when my mum and dad broke up i was hurt and i really didnt understand, i missed my dad but i was happy with the lack of shouting in the house.

after being emotionally reassured by the love of her children my mum got the confidence to get on with life and as soon as she got long term boyfriends she shut herself away from us. emerging to shout pretty much.

we had an occasional nice moment but she was going on holidays and stuff and making me stay with my mentally unstable father while she did (meaning i had to do my coursework and exams whith no solid studyspace and my stuff spread out all over the place and some of my text books i couldnt bring with me, no computer, no desk etc etc) baring that in mind i didnt do very well at school or college. mum wasnt feeding me or adam really fron the age of 13/14 she didnt even shop for food for me or adam but just for her andher boyfriends. i couldnt touch the food that was for her.

i could eat pasta dry everyday and she saw no problem with this.

she would shout at me for being upset quietly im my room (i wasnt the slam door girl yet, i could be crying cause i missed my boyfriend and if mum caught me she would verbally lay into me and shout at me for being upset)

i didnt trust anyone and had severe depression with suicidal feelings which i didnt act upon as i felt no one would care and i would never have had a point in my life. i asked mum to take me t the doctors about my depression as i felt totally numb and without feeling but cried all the time. she told me she wouldnt support me in this and that i was "attention seeking".

as i got to know other families i realised that this wasnt normal and began to get more upset with my mum. i realised that i was being "neglected" as i opened up to people about my home life.

i had always been quiet and scared and lonley, i had no self worth and felt i was "sad" and "thick" and "incapable" and also i was bullied at school, really badly emotionally bullied (luckily i was rarly physically bullied) by my so called friends.

i knew i couldnt trust my family, one moment they were loving and caring and the next they would take it all away. they were totally inconsistant. for example my mum always said i could have boyfriends to stay over and when she left dad she said she would ask us before her boyfriends stayed.

soon she stopped asking which i was fine with cause it was when we had accepted dad and her were over and she was free to see who she liked. but after i had been with my boyfriend for 6 months she wouldnt let him stay over 1 year still no, 2 years no.....

there are lots more examples of this but i felt so unloved by her and my dad and my brother and my friends and that she would deny me the security of having the only person who loved me unconditionally near me really hurt me.

i left home when i was 17 years old to live illegaly with friends until i sorted myself out. i finally did when i was 19 nearly 20.but ended up lodging with some real nasty characters till me and my current boyfriend moved into this place.

for the first time in my life i feel like i can be myself without stepping on eggshells, watching my back.

i dont feel numb anymore, i dont cry everyday, im not scared of the things i used to have panic attacks over

i feel like i have reached the point where i can finally live my life and i am pround of myself. i can do anything and i cant wait.

i wanted to write this to thank all the people who have supporte me to get to this point. there are so many now i think about it even people who hurt me also helped me. people who i will always love and people who i have forgiven.

but to name a few
claire w for always being shoulder to cry on and being a soulmate,
claire from scumland for thinking so much and being so much of a real person
loretta for grounding me and being one of the best friends i have ever had, samara for huge rants and philophical chats,
amy s for being a broken beautiful angel we will never forget eachother,
ben from sheffield for proving opposites can attract and listening and telling me the truth no matter what i wanted to believe and for helping me when no one else had the time to care,
emily r for giving me sanctuary and being yourslef always,
soraya for being there for meand georgie for being so so cool im really proud of you,
jonathen for giving me a home for so long and being reallyclever and deep, julia for being such an honest and beautiful mess with me and not listening to those fake bastards,
kate b for being my smile in a forest of frowns, seeing the truth and staying in touch
kirsty m for appreciating me when i was low,
kle for being so suppostive and patient even when i am selfish,
kristina for showing me that the world is not small at all but big and full of oppotunities and undertsanding if we only have t strength to ask for help and reach out,
sam h for being the sister i never had,
phil for seeing the beautiful girl behind the hair and randomness, for making me feel loved and unconditionally worthful, for sharing so much and trying so hard, amelia for having the guts to still speak to me and for being such an enduring person in my life,
stu h for prooving that that untouchable honey could really like u too and for making me feel sexy

and robin for prooving me right that some guys can be nice, for being loving and for growing with me.

for all the things i have written about everyone else here (i mean it) and for being worth every single kiss and every i love you.

you have given me peace and a place i can confidently call home
thankyou

well, im feeling alot more hopeful than i have been.

my family situation is getting better and worse in different areas. But hey same stink different year!

as i said all those months ago i now have a place to live and i think i will be staying there for quite a while yet so i am getting the internet!!!

i also have a digital camera and so as soon as i am all set up my pics are going to go up here. i would really appreciate some comments on them as i am hoping to put up a range of different stuff.

last night i did something scary and stupid (but i dont care im glad i did) i put myself forward to be a poduim dancer. I have never ever done anything like that before and i hope i get in cause it would be so much fun. I miss dancing so much.

i coulldnt stop thinking about it all night. i was up against some really good proper dancers though so fingers crossed but no promises. if i do get it i could be posting some pics of those evenings up here. I have never been "in" with the clubbing scene. ive always been to busy or depressed to just have some fun but i am putting myself up for stuff this year cause i finally found a place to rest.

anyway, i salute all you buddies and ill be chatting to u all alot more from now on

hello faithful readers (i felt like starting on an arrogent tone today lol)

i am free, i am living with my boyfriend in our own flat, free from the scum who have tried timne and again to make my life as difficult as possible.

i finally feel i have control over my existance and now i am so comfy i dont know how i survived the last 2 years.

if i ever give 1 piece of advice in this society it is to strive to achieve full independance. The way society exists make that very hard i know

if your parents neglect you and you are at college you have a choice.

a)drop out of college, get a job and a flat and miss out on education removing yourself from the neglect or

b) stay with your parents, being neglected and verbally abused everyday, being activly stopped from doing your college work result: u have a substandard education due to the shit u r living with and u are depressed the whole time.

u cant move out and stay at college, u just cant unless u r leaning on someone else and that isnt right!

when u r 16 you can work, have children, get married (with parents permission), smoke, pay tax but u cant vote for what your taxpayers money is spent on, u can buy a flat but not without a guarenture unless u r seriously loded and still then they tend not to let u have a flat.

and on it goes till u r 21, all i want is an education and a home, not much to ask is it? apparently so and u guys know what i am talking about.

its not fair the way we have to live, people whos parents neglected them deserve a future and a home just as much as anyone else.

i am free now and now i can be the person i have always wanted to be, but i have had to bend some rules on the way.

ok uk politics assholes! we do exist, we are the kids from the poorer homes, we have minds of our own, we want to use them without being forced to live with unloving, uncaring, spiteful parents.

i wonder if any of todays politicions would have been able to get their "on a plate" degrees if the had to:

survive without a grant
pay back £15000 student loan
pay tuition fees
work a 15 hour a week job on top

no, i didnt think so
if britains society keeps going this way then eventually the ruling class will be naught but a bunch of inbread morons (think a race of "tim nice but dim" and paris hilton's")

oh no wait...too late......